Monday, June 15, 2009

You Might Be a Bangladeshi If.....

Having been here for a little over 3 weeks, I've taken note of a few peculiarities of Bangladeshis which I think are defining qualities. So beware, you might be a Bangladeshi if.....

...you can cross the street (without nearly peeing yourself out of fear).

...you don't appear to sweat, even when the heat index says its 115+ degrees outside.

...you wash your clothes in dirty river water yet they always come out impeccably clean and white.

...you would have the physique of a body builder if only you had access to a proper, protein-inclusive diet.

...you have an intense obsession with all things 'Chinese' (ex Fu-Wang's Pizza, Wu's Bowling Alley).


...you have superhuman peripheral vision. (Drivers only.)

...you love watching Slamball (i.e. basketball played on trampolines).

...you own at least three skin-lightning products.

...you eat your body weight in rice every four days.

...you get your electricity by splicing into the wire of a government office/shopping mall a couple miles away.

...you can make anything fit (and balance) in a rickshaw, and then manage to ride on top of it.

...you ask every foreigner the same three questions: "What is your country? What is your religion? Are you married?".

...you hold your motorcycle helmet in your lap on your way to and from work instead of wearing it.

...your car has an extra metal bumper on the front, since fender benders are an everyday occurrence.

...you won't pay attention to a presentation or lecture, until they get to the singing and dancing parts, of course.

...you appear to have no sense of smell, as you are not made nauseous by the stink of rotting garbage in the sun...or jackfruit.

...you know how to arrange yourself in an auto rickshaw so that instead of holding two people, it can hold seven.

...you understand the language of the car honks, considering a form of Morse Code.

...you know someone who has been eaten by a Royal Bengal Tiger in the Sundarbans, but recommend a trip there to every foreigner.

...you own at least one piece of clothing by "Clavin Kline" or "Dona Karen".

...you know which city bus to get on, even though there are no discernible bus stops or numbers/signs on any of the buses.

...you answer multiple choice questions with "Yes, no problem."

...you take pride in how corrupt your country is and tell every foreigner, "We were last on Transparency International's list five times in a row! A record!".

...you are less than 5 feet tall, even if you are a man.

...you drive a Japanese or Korean car (i.e. Toyota, Nissan, Mitsubishi) but in a make no one in North America has ever heard of, such as Probox, Noah, Voxy, Bluebird, Pajero, Sage, Saloon, Corona, Succeed, Hiace, Esteem, Premio, Surf, Hover, Torrance or Prado. Or else you drive a Toyota Corrolla.


...you dye your hair/beard/mustache neon orange because you think it looks so natural on you. (Men only)

...you have night vision.

...you appear to need almost no ingredients to make a delicious, three course meal.

...you need only four hours of sleep a night, and make fun of people (like me) who need eight.

...you are friends with wild dogs, most of whom turn out to be better trained than American house pets.

...the concept of a speeding ticket is entirely foreign to you, since you're never able to drive faster than 10 mph in Dhaka.

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